Sometimes in life s**t happens. Maybe it was your fault, wholly or partly, maybe it was out of your hands and beyond your control. Maybe you are left feeling bitter and want to lash out and blame someone else, or maybe you genuinely are the victim of circumstance. You might find yourself going through the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining and depression before finally reaching acceptance. During the early stages of this process you might try to put a fence around yourself – focus on the blame, attempt to punish the perceived culprit, seize back control of how your life will be.
But sometimes you just have to stop – consider the collateral damage.
Are there others involved? Are they vulnerable? Do you have direct or partial responsibility for their happiness and the way their lives will be? If so then maybe it’s time to put your own dream of how you imagined life to be to one side. Perhaps it’s time to let go of the bitterness, the unfairness, the blame and start focusing on re-building a different future through acceptance, collaboration, compromise and friendly, open communication.
Because let’s not forget, you get what you give – if you go on the offensive, if you accuse and castigate and bemoan and plant negative emotional seeds, only negative things can grow from that. If you think of yourself as a good, generous, reliable, decent person then now is the time to make good on those fundamental beliefs about yourself.
End the cycle of grief.
If you feel like you are re-living a cycle of grief then maybe now is the time to end that cycle – make the change that’s necessary to open the right door, at the right time, to the right person, whilst re-defining relationships which you take with you in the most positive and life affirming ways.
You never know, maybe what’s happened, however heart-breaking, might be the catalyst necessary to cultivate a future filled with purpose and joy – a better you.
Everyone wants to be liked, no one wants to be hated. If you emanate hatred, mistrust, blame, if you try and turn a negotiation into a power struggle, you are creating an adversary, not a collaborator in the best possible future outcomes for the ones caught in the middle who have no voice of their own.
I urge you to plough through the fog that has settled and be the best, most impressive, most heroic you have ever been – that is the only way your life can evolve with love, respect, care, friendship, pride and balance.