Search for the hero

batman do the right thing

Sometimes in life s**t happens. Maybe it was your fault, wholly or partly, maybe it was out of your hands and beyond your control. Maybe you are left feeling bitter and want to lash out and blame someone else, or maybe you genuinely are the victim of circumstance. You might find yourself going through the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining and depression before finally reaching acceptance. During the early stages of this process you might try to put a fence around yourself – focus on the blame, attempt to punish the perceived culprit, seize back control of how your life will be.


But sometimes you just have to stop – consider the collateral damage.


Are there others involved? Are they vulnerable? Do you have direct or partial responsibility for their happiness and the way their lives will be? If so then maybe it’s time to put your own dream of how you imagined life to be to one side. Perhaps it’s time to let go of the bitterness, the unfairness, the blame and start focusing on re-building a different future through acceptance, collaboration, compromise and friendly, open communication.

Because let’s not forget, you get what you give – if you go on the offensive, if you accuse and castigate and bemoan and plant negative emotional seeds, only negative things can grow from that. If you think of yourself as a good, generous, reliable, decent person then now is the time to make good on those fundamental beliefs about yourself.


End the cycle of grief.


If you feel like you are re-living a cycle of grief then maybe now is the time to end that cycle – make the change that’s necessary to open the right door, at the right time, to the right person, whilst re-defining relationships which you take with you in the most positive and life affirming ways.

You never know, maybe what’s happened, however heart-breaking, might be the catalyst necessary to cultivate a future filled with purpose and joy – a better you.

Everyone wants to be liked, no one wants to be hated. If you emanate hatred, mistrust, blame, if you try and turn a negotiation into a power struggle, you are creating an adversary, not a collaborator in the best possible future outcomes for the ones caught in the middle who have no voice of their own.

I urge you to plough through the fog that has settled and be the best, most impressive, most heroic you have ever been – that is the only way your life can evolve with love, respect, care, friendship, pride and balance.

13 thoughts on “Search for the hero

  1. Brilliant post, and I truly applaud you for having the strength to think like this despite everything you’ve had to go through recently. The easiest thing for me is to agree and nod my head with what you say, the hardest thing is often to convince ourselves that the words are true, and turning those thoughts into action. The collateral damage is the worst and I often see it reflected in my daughter’s face because my son is so demanding on my time and patience.

  2. I love, love, love this post Sam. You are so spot on. Your boys are so lucky to have you. I know you’re going through a lot right now and having been there myself, I know it can be all too easy to give in to bitterness and resentment. Keep fighting the good fight and stay positive. xx

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