On grief, and longing and no sleep and irrational tears

I’ll admit, I’m not a particularly great read as a blogger right now. I don’t have any advice to offer, or witty lists to share or amazingly insightful ponderings on the nature of life, the universe and everything. Neither have I got anything to flog 🙂

As I write this I am in a bit of a sleep-deprived daze so forgive me if it makes no sense.

I like to think of myself as a generally rational human being – someone who can (at least at this point in my life) make good decisions, receive all the necessary information in any given situation and do the ‘right’ thing.

But sometimes you find yourself grieving and no one has actually died. Sometimes you find yourself lying in bed awake in the middle of the night and you can’t switch off the confusion of anxieties, longings, frustrations and doubts. Sometimes you feel like you are under attack when you have always tried to keep your head down.

Sometimes the lack of sleep which results means that you find yourself crying irrational tears in the middle of the day and feeling like you are *not* coping.

Sometimes wounds which you thought were healing nicely suddenly rip back open again.

I know this too shall pass. I know that life will even out in the fullness of time and everything will stop feeling so incredibly intense.

I know it’s a massive, massive cliché but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – and at this rate I will end up with the strength of a seven nation army.

16 thoughts on “On grief, and longing and no sleep and irrational tears

    • Thank you Sarah. The combination of stress and sleeplessness have definitely brought me a bit low lately. It is a transitional period and there is still a long way to go to reach a level of normality – it’s a bit like having a newborn! X

  1. Aw Sam you sound down. Coming to terms with a family break up is the hardest thing in the world. You are grieving for the family life you wanted so much. Stay strong as it will indeed pass but allow yourself to feel like this in the meantime. You’ll have a different sort of family life but that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to be full of love and happiness. Anxiety really effects my sleep but it becomes a vicious circle as sleep helps combat anxiety! Try yoga, meditation apps on your phone are good before bedtime too. Sending love, hugs and a huge amount of respect. xxx

    • You’re right of course and it is good to be reminded that love and happiness will always be within my grasp – I just have to get through this bit of my life with as much of the zen attitude I can muster! Respect back at you too Tor Xx

    • Thank you too for the virtual hugs Sara! I’ll try and be kind to myself – sometimes I just need a shoulder to cry on and then I can pull myself back together and get on with pursuing my own version of happiness whatever that might look like 🙂 Xx

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