So in case you have been living in a cave for the past six weeks (or should that be three months), you may have noticed that the festive season is upon us. It’s a time of cheer. It’s a time of stress. It’s a time of magic. It’s a time of pressure.
Some people love it, some people hate it.
I think most of the magic went out of it for me the year my mum decided my sister and I were too old for Christmas stockings. I think it was the huge amount and variety of interesting little bits and bobs she sourced for us that made it exciting – and I fully appreciate now just how much effort went into that.
Then family get togethers began to fall by the wayside with my aunt & uncle and cousins – another tradition gone.
Nowadays I’m supposed to be doing what my Mum did before me – being at the heart of everything, baking and cooking up a storm, welcoming extended family into my cosy, beautifully decorated home and dishing out the magic.
But I’m not. I don’t feel like my home is good enough to invite people round. I’m not confident about entertaining or cooking a big meal. In short I feel like I have somehow never managed to make the transition from being the child to being the adult – the matriarch, the one who can be relied upon no matter what.
The one thing I can do is focus on the children – make sure that they have all the necessary ingredients for a magical, memorable day and, in that way, I don’t feel like so much of a failure. And who knows, in a few years time when the toddler factor is no longer an issue may be I’ll learn to be that hostess with the mostest.
In the meantime here is a round up of the highs so far this year:
- Taking the boys to visit Santa at Osterley House.
- Decorating the first real tree we’ve ever had as a family.
- Sourcing and creating several different Mason’ jar gifts.
- My annual solo Christmas shop including charity cards and stocking fillers.
- Reading Christmas stories to the boys
- Attending JJ’s first ‘big school’ nativity and school Christmas church service.
- Enjoying the seasonal flavours at Costa.
- Looking forward to celebrating with my family and seeing the children’s faces on Christmas morning.
Is there anyone else out there who has hit proper adulthood, got a family of their own, but still doesn’t feel ready to become the ‘matriarch’? When I talk to other people and read their blogs I feel like I am the only person out there to still have a phobia about taking on this role…